apple 93 - a note and a reminder

It was a shock. I didn't know it still existed, up to last night. Now I understand. In some, emotions and mind mature side by side. It is then, that we can accept that what we love/like doesn't necessarily becomes ours. And we can understand that there is actually a desire within us to have someone, although it is suppressed and regarded as unimportant.

After 8 years, at last i heard it from you. for all these years i have heard it from people around me but i have labelled it as meaningless gossip that should be erased.

Love is subjective. it rises if nurtured and can wilt and die without care. it is only up to us to measure the intensity of love, and up to others to decipher it. our lips can say one thing when the heart might say another. our believes are the only thing holding us back when things feel wrong.

over time, i have experienced happiness as i was enveloped by love. i lived the moments i was cheered on by love. i understood how it felt to hurt from love. i knew how it burned to be cheated by love. but last night i learned how it was when emptiness was filled by someone but forbidden by the unwritten rules of love:

"menyayangi tak semestinya memiliki'

Now, I have been on all sides of the fence. It's fair.

He is a man of good virtue but even the toughest heart can sometimes have weaknesses. It does feel good when someone cares but it does not feel right if the care comes with much caution. When something doesn't feel right, it's best to back off before I dig my own grave. I'm sorry if I have, in any way, created a confusion and became a cause of self-conflict.

At this point I know that I might be losing a friend but I pray that he is happy with his family forever.

Last night too, another challenge came. Every word that came out as an advice was also a reminder to myself of the same principle...

"menyayangi tak semestinya memiliki'

Unfaithful love, its easier to forget the emotions, rather than the person...


"The only love that lasts eternally is the love for HIM as HE is eternal"