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I feel so useless …a feeling that comes again and again and again. I am starting to think that I have depression syndromes. It doesn’t only come when my hormones are imbalanced, it comes anytime. This feeling of insecurity is heightened after I met this certain someone. Well, of course he is not perfect, no one is. But his surroundings make him almost perfect. His family is great, although like many other families, they have their own share of problems. I know I am suppose to feel lucky that I will be a part of this great family one day, but I just can’t help feeling that I am not fit to be with this family.

Physically, I am not as good looking as those people are, and some issues has been raised concerning appearance, indirectly making me feel like the sole of a Japanese Slipper. Plus, I can be considered as FAT when compared to his family members. All the other in-laws are equally as perfect. He is so proud of his blood, up to the point where I feel I might contaminate it with my background and infect it with many negative things and he will hate me for it. I have caused a family to hate me because of my background before this, it is not impossible that it might happen again. Although they say, learning from experience can improve the future, but what if the happenings are not under our control, let alone be influenced by us??

Secondly, it’s basically just being me. I am already old and I am lost. Serves me right for just being me sometimes...