apple10:don't know whether t's worth it but i am doing it anyway

what is it i am talking about? my project, my MSc project. i'll start from the beginning. before i came here i was told everything was ok. there were no problems with the project, so on and so forth. but on the very 1st day i realized i have stepped in to a quicksand with nothing and no one around me to pull me out. the MSc project wasn't even approved yet so it means no grant, no salary. i was still trying to look at the bright side and was hoping everything would be fine. then in the same week i found out that this particular project existed just because someone had to prove her skills. it wasn't because someone really wanted to do some reserach. my main supervisor was elected just because he was a local doctor with a profession that contributed to a minor part if the project. my second supervisor just came up with the project because she had to prove worthy of the department. but she cant be my main supervisor because she is not a local. her knowledge, skills and experience contributes to 1 of the main parts in my project. next, is the molecular part where both my supervisors have NO idea of.

so, although eventually the project was approved by the Board, i was still thinking whether i wanted to carry on with the project. it is not a great groundbreaking project, but then it was just enough for an MSc. anyway, basically i am alone in this thing (a part of life which i am used to be). one of my supervisors doesn't really bother about the project and another just panics if there is no progress. can't really run away from this thing because i have nothing else to do and no where else to go.

one of them thinks i want to be a psychology after i graduate, but all i want is just to work with animals or to continue this molecular work i am doing. not really a people person. so, here i am helping (and doing a majority part)in the psychological tests of her patients just because of a language barrier. this has no connection what so ever with my MSc . i don't mind helping out but sometimes it interferes with my MSc. my supervisor thinks that 'helping' her out is training for me to do psychology later. it's not like i totally despise psychology but science interest me more than art. unfortunately, i do not how and i do not have the heart to tell her that. anyway if i do, i do not have a backup plan to fall back on if something unfavourable happens.

for now i am still trying to see the bright side of all this and is trying to collect as much knowledge as i can that might be useful later in life. but then, come to think of it, it is my fault all this happened. i have no idea why i went to the interview for this project, i have no reason why i agreed to study psychology, i have no explanation why i did all this and made all this decisions. i guess it is just because i am still searching for the right job for me. sounds like i am this selfish idiot who doesn't really know how to appreciate life and all the things in it.*SIGH*