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hahaha..i am smilling alright. smilling to cover my unhappiness and stress. just a few centimeters away from eating my second pill of Lexapro. ahaks. i feel like my legs just stopped walking the route i am taking into my future. no one said life was easy, i agree. but its like i have been walking in a minefield all these years. you just never know when the next one is going to explode under your feet. added with hot springs that gushes out whenever it likes and a few pools of quicksand to add to all the 'glorious' things happening under the ground you so daintily walk on. you try your best to be as careful as possible in making the choices in your life. you take your time to consider everything that's connected to the decision you are about to make, just to get it backfired right smack into your face.

maybe there is some kind of silver lining that i so faithfully hope will arrive at any point in my life. still trying to think as positive as possible about everything. the thing is i just can't be happy about something or share the happiness that i so seldom experience. every time i feel happy or share my happiness one of those mines will explode, or suddenly the ground melts and sucks me in. i do not intend to feel proud or boast every time i share my happiness. i even just share this good aura i had a few days ago with only a few whom i feel can appreciate my feelings at that time.

maybe i did something wrong somewhere to someone that i didn't realize and this is what i get in return....